Grace was loosely taught when I was a child. We spoke of forgiveness, prayer, confession, baptism, salvation, and so on. We didn't talk about God's heart. We didn't talk about the why of God, just the what! As I got into college and I understood better the idea of grace and mercy. Probably nothing has taught me better about that idea than my marriage. No one said that marriage would be somewhat of an experiment. How to live with someone and through all kinds of differences and similarities put them above yourself and stay true to yourself and God. That's not normal. However, in this crazy adventure and I think that I have it best, my wife and our relationship has been a foundation of grace and love.
Control is an illusion. That's probably not a new idea to us. We never have full control of our circumstances, surroundings, and our very lives. However, more than anything else, trying to control our spiritual lives is actually an act against the Spirit. Self-control has been taught to us because of its place in Paul's list of fruit from the Spirit. However, Paul wasn't trying to get us to be in control of our very selves. Paul was saying that we cannot live a life where we do what we want to do when we want to do it and thus defy the working of the Spirit in our lives. So trying to have control over our spiritual lives is actually a direct offense of what Paul was trying to get us to do in the first place.
Grace is a reality. We would actually prefer to try and control our sin and spiritual lives than allow for God to simply enact his grace. Grace is a gift that you cannot turn away. You can turn away God, Jesus, and Spirit. But you cannot give away grace, because it is tied to the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus and Christ's defeat of the Powers of this dark world. Therefore you (we) don't have the power to overturn grace and deny it or turn it away. Our separation from God comes when we choose to turn the Trinity away. Grace is still there. It is difficult to understand, but you cannot turn away grace, but it can become impotent in your life when you reject the Trinity and power of God.
All of this is rambling and musing. Give up control and accept grace as a reality. You cannot change the facts and realities of control or grace. You can only humble yourself before God and come to new and faithful understandings that will give you freedom through the Spirit. Jesus died for you to have freedom, not control. God offers grace, not damnation. The Spirit leads you to Christ and Christ leads you to God. Take His prompting. Live His blessing.